Rise of The Skywanker
by Beardwalkr
Summary: Rey comes face to face with Puke Skywanker


What had brought her here? the question lingered in Rey's mind as she landed the X Wing at the top of what looked to be the most stable trash mound in the area. She couldn't explain it, but the force was pulling her here. To Ortho Minor of all places, thats right, the trash planet. The force certainly works in mysterious ways, Rey thought as she hopped out of her X Wing and into a mound of wet garbage. BB8 beeped frantically from atop the X Wing as puffs of green gas dissipated into the air.

"Dont worry BB8, you can stay with the ship" Rey assured the droid, "just be glad you droids cant smell" she chuckled but quickly began dry heaving as she inhaled the rancid air.

She climbed down the garbage mound, the force guiding her and growing ever strong as she descended into the Sewers of Ortho Minor. Now knee deep in sewage water she said out loud, "What would Master Luke say if he saw me now...probably just laugh in my face..." she smirked and the let out a long sigh "wish he were still here". A sudden slimy tendril wrapped itself around her foot and yanked her into the sewage water. Flailing about she barely managed to pull out her lightsaber and slice the tendril releasing a horrid monstrous scream. The single slimey eye of a Dyanoga flew through the air severed from its body spraying its green blood across walls. Rey wiped the Dyanoga blood off of her and trudged onwards muttering "this has better be worth it".

The force energy grew and grew as she descended deeper into the sewers until it reached a crescendo at a large circular room with a massive garbage pile at the center that climbed up 6 or so feet, natural light burst into the room from an opening above. Rey stepped up to the garbage pile and spun around letting her back fall into the pile. She laid there for a moment. "Oh great force, is this what you were trying to show me. This powerful and wise pile of garbage! Oh truly you are so mysterious in your ways... why... Why did I bother coming here in the first place!" Rey let out a big sigh and smashed her fist into the garbage heap. something wrapped quickly around her fist. Out from the garbage between her legs rose the big eye of yet another Dyanoga. She shuffled up to her feet and ignited her lightsaber. another Dyanoga emerged from behind her. She spun around to face it Two more to her right. Three to her left... she was surrounded. Rey cautiously stepped backwards up the garbage mound as The Dyanoga eyes drifted towards her through the muddy waters. She was outnumbered, but she only had one choice... to fight. she rose her saber preparing to strike but as she did a figure leaped out from the garbage pile behind her. A brown lightsaber ignites midair from the figure. With a savage swing from the brown saber the Dyanoga's head is cut clean off, the figure dissapears into the waters below. A second passes and the figure bursts out from another Dyanoga, saber outstreched as the guts and blood of the Dyanoga explode into the air. Rey tries to get a look at the mysterious figure but she can only see a Brown Robe and Brown Saber wielded by human hands. Back into the sewer water the figure descends. Another Dyanoga screeches out in pain as it sinks into the waters, this time the mysterious figure doesnt even surface, only the brown saber pokes its head out from the sewage water. Out from the waters the figure emerges and throws their saber, spinning wildly through the air circling the room. It cuts the remaining three Dynagoa's heads clean off. The figure catches its saber as it finishes a lap around the room, just before falling back into the mirky waters. One last splash, then silence. Dyanoga heads, organs, and blood drift about the room. A few more seconds of silence before the mysterious figure rises up from the sewage water, their back to Rey. She recognizes the robe immediately... its Luke's! The figure slowly turns around to reveal itself to Rey.

"Luke your alive!" she exclaims, there before her is unmistakenly master luke. She then notices he is missing his right leg. "Master Luke your-" she is then drawn up to his face... strangely... his left eye looks very swollen? No its actually five times the size of his right! Actually its... a Dyanoga eye?

"TOP o the mornin to ya Lassy, Me name is PUKE SKYWANKER and I be your daddy" speaking in an irish accent the peg legged Luke doppleganger hobbles over to Rey.

"Puke Skywanker... my father?" Rey stumbles backwards.

"That be right lad, cloned from Luke's weiner many years ago by ole pappyteen. But pappy made a mistake. He released me too soon from me Clonin tube. Mah wee self stumbled and fell into this here Dyanoga pit where I fused with Dyanoga DNA as I finished my cloning birth" Puke speaks as he hobbles through the swamp waters.

"Palpatine made you?" Rey questioned as she tries to process this.

"Aye Lassy and then... from me force sensitive weiner... he made YOU!" Puke hobbles up to Rey who stumbles back and falls into the garbage pile behind her. The news too heavy to process.

"Its not true, thats impossible" she mutters to herself.

"Come join me, learn the ways of the DANK side"

Puke reaches out a Tendril and a hand towards Rey.

"Never" Rey jumps up to her feet.

Rey ignites her saber and swings at Puke, whom instantly backflips and ignites a Saber from his missing Leg! a Peg Leg Lightsaber!? The manuever manages to deflect Rey's attack.

A familiar cackle echos through the sewers.

"good, goooood" a voice beems down from above. Its Emperor Palpatine perched over the sewer opening watching in amusement. "I created you Rey with my weiner and Puke's weiner. Also added in some Garglesnark blood, the operation was done on planet Treekdyabruho."

Just then! a firey comet rips through the skies and towards them. Rey looks closely at the comet. Wait! Its not comet. Thats Kylo Ren with a giant boner speeding towards her. His force boner tears straight through Palpatine, causing him to explode. Kylo flies in, grabs Rey, and flies back up into the sky.

"Kylo, whats going on?" Rey asks as they fly into the atmosphere.

"I was jerkin my ween thinkin about your butt and boobs and then I got a wild ass force boner, pulled me straight to you!! wild shit right girl?" Kylo farts.

"Yea Dawg" Rey probably says.

Below them they see Puke fading out of view.

"I guess ill just stay here BYE BYE EVERYBODY" says Puke as he farts

Rey and Kylo bone hard as they fly around space and make tons of babies.

The End


End file.
